The journey of letting go..


Letting go. The two words I absolutely dread to hear, especially when the full weight of them actually hits me. Just the thought of letting go makes me feel like I’m sinking and I haven’t even stepped out of the boat yet, I haven’t even loosened my grip. How embarrassing it is to admit the tiny amount of trust, of faith that I truly have. But it’s the truth.
I feel God consistently calling, calling for my dreams, my fears, my hopes, and I consistently resist. But He keeps patiently, lovingly calling. Unfazed by my terror of “what ifs”, He simply reaches out to my little boat once more, asking me to keep my focus on Him and not the waves of doubts. The funny thing is, the closer He reaches the smaller those waves become.

What a silly thing to hold onto, fear. But my heart holds it tight, as if it were the very thing keeping it alive, when really, it’s suffocating it to death. Spreading it’s disease throughout my body, until it’s voice is the only one I hear, the default I immediately go to. But there is a remedy, “Perfect love drives out fear.” God’s perfect love drives out fear. The catch is letting that love (God) in. It’s letting go. As many times as it takes. Because holding on is killing us, we can’t do this anymore, this worrying nonstop that the worse case scenario is going to happen. And maybe it will, but this worrying isn’t going to change it. It’ll only make us wish we had enjoyed all the moments we instead spent in fear. Fear is one of Satan’s biggest tools and he’s nothing but a liar. Let it go with me, in every moment that voice chooses to speak, silence it and purposely tune in God’s voice, even if in the beginning you have to speak His promises to yourself. Allow His perfect love to drive the fear out.

I just started this journey myself, about a week ago. Letting His love drive out the fear layer by layer (and boy, is there a lot of them), but as each layer has been peeled back, the closer God and I became. With each step on the water we take, He proves His faithfulness again and again. It was so much easier to stay in my little boat, just me and God. But He’s shown me, there’s no life there. You can’t experience life’s beauty without also experiencing it’s hurts. You can’t grow with God if you stay in the boat, because He’s not in the boat. He’s where the life is. I think that’s one of the reasons Jesus called Peter out of the boat, to show us, the abundant life He was talking about is with Him, out on the waters. Outside all of our comfort zones. Yeah, we could get by in our boats, but we’d be missing it, missing life, missing a closeness with Him that we wouldn’t know otherwise. Because there’s a secret in the letting go.. “He who loses his life, finds it.”


A few thoughts on marriage and being single.


Let me just start this off by saying, I’m a complete amateur in this subject, I am as single as you could possibly get. These are simply my inexperienced thoughts on the matter, and some things I have noticed after a lot of observing, and some insight from God. So, without further ado here’s my jumbled thoughts..

I think all of us women have at a certain point had this dream in our minds of this perfect fairy-tale marriage, when in reality it’s two broken people being brought together as one, which means a lot of fights and sacrifice (which lets be honest, who wants to sacrifice anything?!) Especially when it comes to what we feel we need or deserve. But it’s not about us. We spend so much time tearing each other down when we’re meant to be building each other up. We’re meant to be a team, to be one, and when we tear the other down we’re really only tearing ourselves down. There’s always going to be problems and hurts, we’re only human after all, but if we put as much time and energy into loving and caring for each other as we did fighting against one another then maybe we’d get somewhere. We are called, in humility, to put others and their needs above our own (and yes that includes our spouse), and I think that means doing the things you wish they would do for you without expectations, without expecting acknowledgement for it even. We don’t get our fairy-tale marriage because in that version it’s all about us and life was never meant to be all about us..

Now, for all my fellow singles out there.. I know you’ve all heard this a thousand times, but NEVER settle!! If you have a few non-negotiable characteristics that your spouse must have, for example one of mine is, he has to lead me closer to God, if he leads me away from God then it’s a no go. Don’t ever settle for someone who doesn’t have the mandatory characteristics you’re looking for. And with that, if you’re looking for certain characteristics in a spouse it’s very likely that when you find that person they’re looking for the same things, so spend this time when it’s just you and God well. It’s like the saying, “Be the friend you’d want to have.” Well be the spouse you’d want to have! And don’t despise this time, use it well and enjoy it, because things are as simple now as they ever will be.

Hold strong to what you know (the Truth) and don’t settle, ever.
With love,
-Your sister in Christ.

P.S. For any relationship the most important thing is having Christ as the center, as the foundation. Because if you have Him at the center then the closer you grow to God, the closer you grow together. There’s so much more I could say on this subject but these are just my main thoughts and if I add all the other things then it’ll go on way too much!

For all the searchers.


To all the young searchers in the Church,
This is for all of you who are still searching for the meaning of life and it’s so easy to try all these different paths when they all tell “this will fulfill you”, “this is why you are here!” But as someone who has tried them all and was left with nothing but emptiness, I beg you not to make the same mistakes I did.
I know the longing to fit it, to be cool, and to be mocked because some kids view you as naive and innocent simply because you don’t cuss, don’t make the same jokes they do (or heck don’t even know what their jokes mean) or haven’t kissed anybody, or heaven forbid haven’t seen an R rated movie. And I remember how much I utterly loathed the feeling I got from that, and I knew in that moment I had a big decision to make. Don’t make the same mistake I did, don’t change for them. It’s not even close to being worth it, please trust me on this. Partying, being “cool” is so overrated, and honestly, none of that makes you “cool” it makes you a fool. The feeling of being “included” lasts but a short while and then you’re only left with regret. All those so-called “friends” are gone now but God, well, He never left. So choose Him and I PROMISE you, you’ll never regret it.

Also be careful, because this world is tricky, it’ll entice you with every pleasure it can think of, every distraction it has. We have to build a solid foundation in Christ, you guys know the story of the wise and foolish builders..
Matthew 7:24-27 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
I have a confession to make.. I was the foolish builder, I heard His words but I traded them in for sin, for “pleasure”, I did what I wanted when I wanted, I had everything I thought that I wanted, everything that the world said would bring “fulfillment” and “happiness” but it held nothing but emptiness.. I was angry at God, I did whatever I could to cover up the hurt, but it all only left me even more empty than before. What was left when I hit rock bottom was a broken shell of a person. And then, Jesus came, He picked me up, washed me white as snow and made all things new, He made beauty from the ashes. This is why I’m writing this, if this changes but 1 person’s path, 1 person’s heart, then it was all worth it. And I now know why I’m here, to tell people about Him, to love God and love people.

So please, let us be wise builders, let us be deeply rooted in Christ. You can’t go wrong with Him. He is the way, the truth, and the life. The world only offers temporary, Jesus offers eternal. It’s hard, so hard, but so worth it. Don’t let people or things lead you astray, nor trade in eternal for temporary, neither is ever worth it.

A sister in Christ who loves you enough to tell you the truth.

P.S. Satan will do anything to lead you away from the truth. Don’t fall for it, don’t let him win your soul.

P.S.S. (Last one, promise.)
Even after all this time, I’m still healing. So many mistakes. So many regrets. I’m just trying to spare you this pain. God is just trying to spare you this pain.

For those who have made the same mistakes that I have or different ones.. There’s no such thing as too far gone. Come back to Him, it’s never too late.. Come to Him and repent, He’ll make you white as snow.. He’ll make ALL things new. ❤


The real enemy.


As I was trying to write this post I realized I had fallen into the trap of trying to make it ‘sound nice’ and trying to write ‘fancy’, but that was never my intention with this blog, I always just wanted to be real and open with you all, so, with that said here’s my thought for the day..

God put a line from the Hunger Games into my head the other day, “Remember who the real enemy is.” And I thought have we Christian’s remembered who the real enemy is? I know I haven’t, because it’s so easy to view ISIS or the government or the LGBT community or whoever as ‘the enemy’, especially as persecution gets worse and worse, but they’re truly not. Should we stand up for the truth? Of course! But we have to remember that Satan is the real enemy in all this. Yes, people are responsible for their actions and sins but Satan is at the root of it. So let us speak the truth in love to these people caught in his grasp and always remember that he is the true enemy, and we are on the winning side with Jesus.


Luke 11:23 (NLT)
“Anyone who isn’t with me opposes me, and anyone who isn’t working with me is actually working against me.”

Longing for home.


My dear one,
I’m not blind to your struggles and hurts, nor am I oblivious to your longing for more, I see you searching throughout the world trying to fulfill it, but you will not find it here, child. What you’re longing for is Heaven, the longing you feel is actually anticipation for what is to come, for a perfect, sin-free relationship with Me. So don’t despise the hunger for more, but rather embrace it and allow it to keep you focused on Me and the things of Heaven.

With all my love,

First off, I just want to say, I absolutely love writing these devotional type posts. Not only can I feel The Lord writing through me but I feel so much closer to Him, an intimacy that I very rarely feel with Him.


I think we all as Christians can feel the restlessness for home these days. Evil is seeping into hearts and minds faster than we can blink, one unimaginable story after another, and we’re so overwhelmed with our own struggles at home that we can barely take one more ounce of it. But we have to remember, we’re not in this mess alone. Jesus already won, and we get to share in that victory fully with Him in Heaven. Time here is hard, yes, but don’t forget that it is short as well, we have to cling to Him tighter still and love as deep and freely as He does, and share Him with every soul we come by. For it’s then, when we finally make it home, we’ll hear “Well done My child, enter in and rest.”

Letter to God.


Dear God,
What am I supposed to do when the hurt is so bad that all I want to do is crawl back into bed.. When I can’t even muster up the words to talk to you? When honestly, I don’t even really want to? You say that the Spirit prays for us when we don’t know what to pray, with groans that cannot be expressed in words.. I know you say that you make all things work together for good for those who love You, but I can’t see any good in this, Lord. All I see is a house crumbled in on itself. How fitting for it to be raining today, answering my question on where you are in all this, it’s like your tears are falling from Heaven meeting with ours.. Feeling the hurt that we are.. I’ve run out of words already, other than I pray You stay close to us, Lord, us broken hearts.. You’re the only hope we have.


Job 5:18 – “For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.”

Searching in the dark.

Lighthouse beaming across stormy, night sea

My heart yearns for beauty yet I look in ruins, my soul thirsts yet I search in barren lands, my eyes long for truth yet I seek human hands, my being hungers after fullness yet I worship emptiness.

I wrote this poem after I, yet again, tried to find fulfillment and satisfaction that only comes from God, and I knew that, but I searched in the lies anyway, and in my shame and frustration came this poem. I was struggling with the same thing Paul did when he wrote, (Romans 7:15) “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

It’s still such a daily struggle, at times I feel like I’m searching through the dark, longing to see the light on the hill, longing to have that fulfillment in Him. Always longing. Why isn’t He enough?.. What is wrong with my heart that it searches still?.. How wretched sin is. Black and dark. But His light is like the lighthouse on the hill, illuminating the dark, eliminating it little by little. Until one day, we make it there and we’re home and whole, and we’re filled only with His great love, and this struggle is barely a memory.

“Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

His love for us is great, friends. Keep walking towards Him, towards the light, even if it’s one little step at a time. Never give up. He is good and He is worth it.

It is never too late to start anew. ❤