Letting go. The two words I absolutely dread to hear, especially when the full weight of them actually hits me. Just the thought of letting go makes me feel like I’m sinking and I haven’t even stepped out of the boat yet, I haven’t even loosened my grip. How embarrassing it is to admit the tiny amount of trust, of faith that I truly have. But it’s the truth.
I feel God consistently calling, calling for my dreams, my fears, my hopes, and I consistently resist. But He keeps patiently, lovingly calling. Unfazed by my terror of “what ifs”, He simply reaches out to my little boat once more, asking me to keep my focus on Him and not the waves of doubts. The funny thing is, the closer He reaches the smaller those waves become.
What a silly thing to hold onto, fear. But my heart holds it tight, as if it were the very thing keeping it alive, when really, it’s suffocating it to death. Spreading it’s disease throughout my body, until it’s voice is the only one I hear, the default I immediately go to. But there is a remedy, “Perfect love drives out fear.” God’s perfect love drives out fear. The catch is letting that love (God) in. It’s letting go. As many times as it takes. Because holding on is killing us, we can’t do this anymore, this worrying nonstop that the worse case scenario is going to happen. And maybe it will, but this worrying isn’t going to change it. It’ll only make us wish we had enjoyed all the moments we instead spent in fear. Fear is one of Satan’s biggest tools and he’s nothing but a liar. Let it go with me, in every moment that voice chooses to speak, silence it and purposely tune in God’s voice, even if in the beginning you have to speak His promises to yourself. Allow His perfect love to drive the fear out.
I just started this journey myself, about a week ago. Letting His love drive out the fear layer by layer (and boy, is there a lot of them), but as each layer has been peeled back, the closer God and I became. With each step on the water we take, He proves His faithfulness again and again. It was so much easier to stay in my little boat, just me and God. But He’s shown me, there’s no life there. You can’t experience life’s beauty without also experiencing it’s hurts. You can’t grow with God if you stay in the boat, because He’s not in the boat. He’s where the life is. I think that’s one of the reasons Jesus called Peter out of the boat, to show us, the abundant life He was talking about is with Him, out on the waters. Outside all of our comfort zones. Yeah, we could get by in our boats, but we’d be missing it, missing life, missing a closeness with Him that we wouldn’t know otherwise. Because there’s a secret in the letting go.. “He who loses his life, finds it.”