As I was driving home the other day, going through valley’s and climbing up mountains. It was as if God took me through the course of my life. The ups and the downs, highs and lows, the joys and regrets. At one point the sense of regret hit me so strongly that my eyes welled up with tears and the only words I could think were, “I’m sorry, God. I’m so sorry.” The weight of choices I had made that I wished I didn’t and choices I didn’t make that I wish I had, piled up on my heart. He was taking me through the darkest time in my life all over again. It was in those moments that Jesus’ sacrifice began to overtake my heart. The whole time I was doing what I wanted, I thought I was free. Turns out, I was a captive. Jesus though, He showed me true freedom, from the sin that enslaved me for so long. From the sin that brought me so much emptiness. I couldn’t escape it on my own. I couldn’t even let go of the regret without Him. But, because of Him, I am a new creation. Complete and whole in Him.
As I started up a new mountain and glanced in the rear-view mirror, the tears started fresh as He showed me that through all of that, He never left. Never turned away from my brokenness. Even crazier than that, the whole time He was leading me straight to Himself. His love poured out over me. Love that I don’t deserve, love that I shouldn’t even be able to look at. He gives it to me. His love is one that you can’t describe, but you know exactly what I’m taking about if you’ve experienced it. If you haven’t, He sure wants you to. Don’t let regret or shame hold you back. It doesn’t make Him turn away from you, He’s not scared or disgusted with your mistakes. He wants to take all that from you and give you His peace and freedom. You just have to go to Him and let Him. No matter what anybody has told you, God loves you more than you could ever imagine. Jesus came not for the religious and self-righteous aka the “good” people, but for the sinners, to call them to repentance-(to change your mind and turn to Him), and give them hope, abundant life and true freedom.
When I got to the “homestretch”, He showed me the point where I had taken hold of His hand. I had gotten past the odd fog covering the mountains, and there was a peace and calm in the air, the sun was just setting and you could see the city in the distance. I realized, I don’t know the conditions of the road up ahead or where it’ll lead me. But, I know The Maker and He’s my guide. If I make a wrong turn, He’ll lead me back. If I miss a turn, well, He seems to be a fan of detours (adventures) anyway. 😉